Metrosexual? Give us a break!

I might be wrong, but the last few years I've been hearing this damned word 'metrosexual' over and over again in many situations. This is what wikipedia has to say about this. Not very helpful, is it? It wouldn't be so bad if the term also did not have connotations to 'swinging both ways' or people who are confused about their sexual orientation. Problem is the term has become broader and more general to the point where it seems to include every male who lives in big cities, who is presentable if not well-dressed most of the time and who cannot handle a power drill if his life depended on it. So now you want us all to be country bumpkins answering to the male stereotype of the gruff, stubbled, well-built guy, who's never been to a museum and treats women like dirt? Yes, you heard me right! I said 'us'. And ofcourse it includes me.I have no pretenses of being Brad Pitt or that I will ever be hit on by gay men. But I do like to dress well, and yes I have more then 4 pairs of shoes. That alone would qualify me as a metrosexual in a place like Chicago. Add to that my absolute ignorance about any kind of tools (leave alone power drills) or fixing things around the house, and you have a regular 'swinger'.

Let me give you an example. Recently, my heater (the kind that heats the home, not the water) was having problems. So I banged on it a couple of times and it started working. Everytime it stopped, I would do this and the heater would start working again. So I came to the conclusion that the heater door is loose and that's why it kept shutting off automatically (yes, I read the FAQs/instructions). Ofcourse, I would never think about fixing the heater door myself. It finally died on me inspite of a series of Bruce Lee style flying kicks and Rajni Kanth style dance moves on it. A bruised leg and a knocked up finger later I decided to call in the modern day magicians who call themselves 'technicians'. I told the guy confidently that the door was the problem but I could use a general tune-up as well (I mean for the heater... Give me a break here!). He opened up the heater door, ran a few tests and told me that the gas detector was gone and so it kept shutting off. I was flabbergasted and told him about my innovative ways of banging on it to get it started. He calmly showed me that the switch that would detect a loose door was located on the bottom panel, while I had been involved in a WWF with the top panel. It had only been a coincidence all along. A few hundred bucks (US, not Indian!) later, I'm ensconsed in the optimal 72F range.

So many times, I've enlisted the help of Miss W, my close friend, in fixing things aound the house or to re-light water heater pilots. Yes, a girl helps me out with tools and repairs and, what's more, she's better at it. I also happen to like art and poetry, have a good eye for interior decor and color schemes and love Jazz. This would be more than enough to get me branded a metrosexual in modern day America. Its funny that as more and more the society accepts and absorbs gay culture, the stereotype of the straight male has to become straighter and straighter. If the trouble makers would have their way, no one other than John Wayne and Clint Eastwood are macho enough to be straight. Add to that the stir that this movie Brokeback Mountain has caused even among happily married couples, and I realize that I have nowhere to run.

Why should I let these journalists and society columnists (and Maxim and Cosmopolitan!) determine what I should and should not know or do to remain straight? I've decided I'm never going to learn how to fix my car or do a simple oil change. I've decided to buy more jackets and shoes if I feel like it. I'm going to get more abstract paintings for my house. Heck! I would cry in a movie if I feel like it. If all this gets me branded as a metrosexual, then so be it! Ahh... that reminds me. I need to fix that darned fuse box. Does anyone have an online tutorial on that?